It taught him there wasnt a limit to what I could cope with - but yes she did turn to him for comfort and played the guilt card. This seems cut throat, but will help you if a custody battle comes up. Not addressed to him but the office. I hope you'll consider our EMS Online course for couples. This has nothing to do with each others families. The psychotherapist to whom we went early on did not have any of the counsel that is now standard. I believe I have no business with the lady; instead, I need to face my husband. I never Do you have a general question youd like to ask? Which leads me to my current conundrum. Hi Jeff. Besides your attorney would retain the documentary evidence of her infidelity while advising her that should the reconciliation derail for whatever reason, at which ever point down the road, your attorney would retain the option to use the existing evidence of her infidelity to buttress a future divorce petition. Maybe there'll be a duel! She didn't say anything about the affair. Almost a year later, I believe she is giving up. I want to call his cell this morning and say "this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes. She asked me about particular details only a lover would know. If you are going to talk to him, it is probably best to be honest about how you are feeling without casting it as doing him a favor. You may want to express your hurt and sense of betrayal and tell them what a terrible human being they are. I even invited further contact so that she could 'work it out.'. She had been deceiving me for 2 years whilst having an affair with my husband, manipulating situations, even sending anon letters to give me hints he is over the side in the hope I will kick him out do they can be together without me ever realisingwhy all of the sudden she would be telling me the truth. I will confront my wife and not her lover. She was sick You must stay calm, confident, loving, as always. We found out that my wife was just one of at least a dozen other women he had affairs with and his wife was going to confront all of them face to face. I confronted my husband's affair partner. Believe me, this hot dog addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic in the US. Your son, any pets, and yourself. I did confront her. Let me repeat, do not confront your loving wife. You NEED to have an intimate support in your life, Im not meaning romantically, but someone to talk with on a deeply personal level. As much as you love heryou might well be better off without her in your life, given what all has gone on. I work through things and my coping skills are excellent. It made me feel like a worthless unloveable person . The timeline had changed from a couple of years to 3 or 4 years and a couple of months ago , putting 2 and 2 together, she admitted that the affair went on for almost 20 years and that she never initiated any part of it but never could tell him NO when he would call her and set up a meeting. Its her shame and her disrespect that got you guys into this situation. My wife has been mishandling the truth as of late and I want to help you if I can. Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. Me? Every now and then she reaches out to my husband, every time it really upsets me. Ive had to live with that dude in my life for over a decade told not to confront because of the kids. I believe my healing restarted every other day. That was and still is the most painful experience I have ever endured. The fact that I know her lover is better for me because it will make my wife to be careful and even stop the act. They might. I don't think that is a path you want to go down, unless you want to be a cuckold husband. Each day with be different. No trial, no investigation and proof. When the PI is done with his job, he will have a watertight folder of documentary evidence that nails her infedility. Babe, in case you have not noticed (not your "world") but your M has collapsed. But the biggest reason not to confront the affair partner? Going through this will only be a step closer to acceptance. Filing for divorce. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your So he knows hes had what I call his fling. Next, you must contact a good PI (Private Investigator/detective). I want to stay married. What about telling the affair partner's spouse if the motive for doing so is to clear your conscience morally and being truthful? Copyright 1997-2022 LoveShack.org. I just give you my opinion from some real life experiences. Do not fight around him or anything. So atleast you have that going for you. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Click here to read more. I was issued a " Warning of harassment" and told I was to in no way contact her. If you pretend it isn't happening, she will keep stringing you along. Make it CLEAR that you're aware of the truthbut be vague on details. Sofor really the first time in 38 years I am very serious in considering getting a divorce. Will your spouse take your side? She used the same kinds of words my lover did; you could tell that they were a couple. Stop hoping, praying, reasoning, panicking, dreaming. @owl thank you for your advice, it is really helping. The thing is, you WILL get through this. If I can only bottle a dosage of reality and sell it FACK! How could one as dim and sexless as you understand someone as compelling as them? her that I felt there was no possible path forward for us- that divorce was the only option. Theyre simply taking the opportunity that came their way from your wife. I have no idea whether they are still in touch. The Day My Lover's Wife Confronted Me About Sleeping With Her Husband. They both mutually said the worst about me, making me a common enemy. He was shaking for our entire conversation and got the message. Your confrontation is fresh conversational content for your husband and his affair partner. Probably not. He denies that it became physical but he lied about everything and kept the relationship completely secret for at least three years so Ill never be completely sure. And in the other case, narcissistic people don't think the rules apply to them -- and that doesn't stop at poaching your spouse. Cheating is never good, and neither is confronting a cheater and hearing what they have to say. I know you want to tell them off, but it's futile for a variety of reasons. The most important thing to remember; is every new day you are rebuilding and retooling your ship. To what purpose ? If you want to join them, that I can undetstand. Do you realy think you are going to change her behaviour Or is this how your mar She was just trying to "rescue him." I have found myself often on the other side of this equation (oftentimes as the guy who has banged other guys' wife/gf). *Love. WebBefore seeking to confront your spouses lover, consider the possibility that such a meeting may actually do more harm than good. 8 months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be cordial neighbors. There might also be some truth in it -- but how messed up is that? What a b1tch. There is no need for me to confront my spouses lover in public. Confronting her would only bring more conflicts into our marriage thereby creating distance between me and my husband. I showed her pure ignorance. ]com), one What exactly can make my husband to shift attention from me to another lady to demand sex when I can give it to him? It's an ego boost to your cheater. Please log in OR register. Save. What would you do? She said it's over, but I know it's not. And only one person would be able to keep the $hit from hitting the fan. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your divorce (that gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear). The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Sorry, but better to find out now that she is what she is than 10 years down the road. I will not confront her. Or am I simply deluding myself? Aaaandlaughed. So i answered the phone. If he sees a dress he likes and he cannot buy it for me but get it for another lady, then there is a problem and we have to solve it. I would not want something like that to happen. This is just a new beginning. That was certainly true in our situation. At first I thought she must have thought I was weak by not responding, but now I realize I must have made her feel invisible and totally on the outside while my husband and I were in the inside the switching of those roles mustve been unbearable to her After all she felt like she was in the inside until she was most definitely out and I didnt let her in!!! And her family is fairly traditional, and I feel would look extremely negatively upon her for a very long time if they knew shed had an affair. Through it all, however, I am glad that I've never fixated on the AP, nor have I wasted much energy in hostility toward him. It doesnt really matter if you confront the (lovers!). Like Robert said it really can create more issues and its not a fact that youll prove your Do you want to end the affair? For the last few weeks, Ive been sitting on this evidence, but tonight I finally confronted her, literally just a couple of hours ago. Of course he forwarded my email to her, and to my utter shock she let him know that she didn't feel the same as I did (she was still DEEP in the fog of the affair and hadn't confronted her illusions and rationalizations yet) and that her 'friendship' with him (old boyfriend from 30 years earlier) always had and always would be special to her. I think, the storm has passed. She hasn't. And perhaps the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief. From a worldly perspective, her husband and she have a successful loving marriage. If you need more information about the affair(s), hire a private investigator or become a computer snoop. Butbe prepared for her to deny and deny and deny until confronted with that proof. WebMy wife is in love with another man. Told her to call him and tell him HER HUSBAND wants to talk to him. A person who doesnt live in reality. She has been my best friend for over a decade, and has given me beautiful children, whom I adore. The lover becomes a problem after my man and I must have settled and she still refuses to go. Our baby is now 8 mo. Can't you see you're dealing with an uber being? As soon as I told her, she didnt deny it, and soon acknowledged it. Ive been dwelling on the idea of confronting my wifes lover. She even apologized, and sounded sincere. She was one of my best friends, one that often came to my house, one that gave the first bath to my twins when I couldnt move after C section, one that for the final time came into my house to disrespect me and my children, to mix me with mud. As much as I can move on, take responsibility, or as many times as I can apologize to my lover's wife (which I did), that kind of experience lives with you and takes up residence in your soul. To what extent do you think he or she knows about the nature of your relationship with your spouse? I divorced him and he married her. Yes, you most definitely should and I'll tell you why. Chances are if u are debating a subject such as this you've recently found out your wife che I wanted him to know that he took advantage of a severely depressed woman who for many years was under the care of a psychiatrist for this diagnosis. My wife is lying to me. Always a way out. Your wife had a 20 year affair, and you believe it was none of her fault? For some, it will be driven by a need to get the compulsion out of their head. Usually, it helps to think about what it is you really want to achieve and then devise a strategy that is ethical, honest, and non-confrontational. Dont ever contact the ow . I wanted so much to see her as a victim because facing the truth that she chose of her own free will to betray me and risked the loss of our marriage to be with a 'man' who had abandoned her for 30 years was just too painful for me to admit. My wife claimed she had told him this already. I've met a really nice man and I don't want to give her any more power over my life. 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